I'm afraid to tell you who I really am + other confessions
Online interactions are so curated and I am fully aware of how little you, dear reader, see me as I actually am, which is often forgetting to wear deodorant and frantically searching for my phone which I--without exaggeration--lose at least once a day.
In my mind, this is a big deal, because:
I am supposed to be helping people organize their thoughts and emotions, their businesses, their online identities. I try to hide this daily failing in my online persona but now I am outing myself.
And there's more: I am very suspicious of mainstream media narratives to the point of being called a conspiracy theorist.
In my mind, this is a big deal, because:
I deeply fear that I will be publicly labeled as something atrocious because of my staunch scrutiny of the state. I fear dismissal or worse, criticism based on reductive assumptions.
Nonetheless, here I am, straight up: I have no partisan loyalties. And labels like "conspiracist" dismiss the complex illusion/"reality" of the world we live in. Anywho, here’s an article about the New York Times’ history of supporting CIA-backed foreign coups, including our freshest shitstorm, Venezuela (holla, holla Petrodollar, p.s. where the hell did our anti-war movement go?).
I hide my nonpartisan opinions in the same way that I talk about my divorce on my various platforms: vaguely.
I don’t regret getting a divorce or changing my life to reflect my true experience. But here’s the deal: 8 years ago, I had an affair. And I am who I am today because of it.
And I rarely say that out loud because it is incredibly taboo (or maybe even unforgiveable) in America to cheat despite the reality that many—if not most—couples have been touched by infidelity.
Research on affairs is difficult because of questions like, “What constitutes cheating?” (Not oral, according to Bill Clinton) and “Would one accurately self-report they've committed such a culturally-condemned moral transgression?”
You know whose rates of adultery are on the rise? Women. Women like me.
Why do I disclose this? Because I am--like you and everyone you know--deeply flawed. And being a deeply flawed person in public is unruly, triggering, impolite, shameful.
Sure, I could show you my messy desk on Instagram and be like, "See, I'm just like you! lol, wow, a true behind the scenes of my life, far from perfect! :)," but beyond being trite, this false vulnerability reinforces more of the same shame-code that we experience throughout culture: that who you really are, with your ecstatic joys and woeful errors, your ever-present boredom, your sharp despair, or your macabre humor are beyond the realms of admission in public discourse.
And so we keep the collectively-enacted tragedies of our species beyond discourse.
Do you compress the waves of the pain you've inflicted on others so flat that the contrasting undulations of your kindness are also robbed of their depth?
When we accept all of who we are, we don't have to worry about hiding so much. So we can stop hiding our power too.
[Full newsletter disclosure is not required, just a fun exercise for an utterly ridiculous human navigating large parts of their chart placements in Leo and Scorpio.]
So here's the real announcement: I am always changing! And so is my work! And I am frightened you will judge me, so I am just going with radical transparency here: I LOVE BUSINESS and my journey with my own business and money and visibility has been utterly transformational emotionally and spiritually.
La Mystica has been an incredible container for these changes and I cannot wait to share more, so it is with a nervous but happy and trusting heart that I announce that I am transforming La Mystica into a resource and support for psychospiritual practitioners to increase their practical and magical skills.
I am sure you have noticed my content focusing more and more on other practitioners and the work we do. It is so important and I want to empower others to step into their voice and start their own successful and meaningful practices.
So I will be stepping away from readings and monthly medicine letters and moving more toward creating resources, programs and classes that support other readers and other healing arts practitioners. You can see my new website and offerings here.
I hope to see you there, witch!
And, please, feel free to respond to this email with anything you might be struggling with in terms of your practice.
P.S. If you need a tarot reader, I cannot recommend enough the wise and wonderful Zina Bennion of @sego.strega. She is an incredible and insightful guide and trusted friend.